New Tattoo and Things Worth Reading

Over the sea and far away
She's waiting like an iceberg
Waiting to change
But she's cold inside
She wants to be like the water

~KT Tunstall

Well, well, well. I have lots to gab about. Prepare yourself.

Well, the first and biggest of news, I broke down and got a tattoo. I’ve been toying with the idea for quite some time, but wanted to do it when I had a few days off from work, because I did not want to work a 12 hour shift in pain. So, Matt and I ventured to Atlanta yesterday, and I designed one and got branded at Liberty tattoo in Atlanta, Ga. It’s this weirdo design that I happen to like with pink highlights on the main design that is black, and it is located on the back of my neck, just where my spine starts. It’s about 3-4 inches across and a couple high. You can’t see it if my hair is down, but you can definitely see it if my hair is pulled up. It’s pretty hot, if you like tattoos. And I wanted to be a little different from getting one of my lower back like EVERYONE HAS. And yes, I realize that it will be there for the remainder of my years. The strange thing about it is that it didn’t really hurt that bad. I mean, it stung, but I didn’t cry or whimper in pain. It hurts more now that during. The area kinda feels like a stinging sunburn now. But my A&D butt cream for infants helps relieve it and keep it moisturized for healing. Anyway, back to the pain, it was kind of an addicting masochistic pain... really. In the middle of that one, I was thinking where I could get my next one. Who knows? I may be the next hot ass Suicide Girl! Hahaha! Not cut out for that shit, I don’t think. Though, modeling tattoos while nude may be better than catering to sick people and being a glorified waitress. Who knows. And surely, it’s better money…

Ha. Quit dreaming chica. Anyway, the pain is addicting. And now I understand when people go on and one about how they need more “ink.” I never got that BS before, but now, I totally do.

Anyway. I’ll post a pic of it in my pics here on MySpace, so go check it out and comment. And if you don’t like it, I don’t care. It’s mine and what I wanted, so don’t bother to ridicule me about it. I’m sure I’ll hear enough of that from my mother when I visit tonight. Keep in mind, it’s a little bruised and still healing, and in two weeks, when it looks less fresh, I’ll be sure to update the pic. J Matt got a new tattoo yesterday behind his old tattoo on the back of his right arm. I’ll post a pic of his too later. He got a nautical star with Marine colors in it behind an existing star that had stars, stripes, and the palmetto flag embedded in the outline. I’ll just post a pic of his later. He’s sleeping now.

On to other things. We were perusing Borders yesterday, the bookstore, and I ran across a completely cynical book on the bullshit of our society called Your Call Is Important to Us: The Truth About Bullshit by Laura Penny. Granted I am only 10 pages in the book, it is freaking hilarious, if you have any cynicism toward our society. An excerpt from the back of the book-

“The platitudinous pabulum that passes for stirring political rhetoric is bullshit… The committee- crafted persona and the focus-grouped fad and the rule of the polls are straight-up bullshit. The disease hysteria du jour is bullshit, and so is the latest miracle pill. The new product that will change your life is probably just more cheap, plastic bullshit. “Your call is important to us” has been chosen from a very deep reservoir of bullshit phrases for the title of this book because it best exemplifies the properties native to bullshit. It tries to slather something nice on the result of a simple ratio: your time versus some company’s dough. Like most bullshit, the more times you hear it, the bullshittier it gets. This is why bullshit is best served quickly, with many visuals, in mass quantities, with no questions from the floor.”

Just and idea there of the sarcasm in said book above. You’ll have to read it and weep yourself.

Ok. Off to clean up a bit and then head to visit the ‘rents. *cringe* Mother is going to shoot me for the tattoo. If I die, you know she killed me.

Try to find a light on somewhere
I'm finding i'm falling in love with the dark
~KT Tunstall

saying I love you...has nothing to do with meaning it.


Can you see what you've done to my heart
And soul?
This is a wasteland now
~interpol

Honestly, honesty's a fable in love. ~10 years

I swear. Things change in a blink of an eye in my life. It's utterly amazing how quickly I make decisions sometimes and how impulsive I really am. Call it stupidity, but I call it knowing what I fucking want in life and what I certainly do not want... And it's so amazing thinking you know someone, when really you only know what they choose to tell you about themselves. You can only fall in love with the someone that one portrays to you. Like in my instance, I was in love with a totally different person. It's just interesting how eyes are opened slowing and sometimes not so intentionally.... I'm sure I would still be in the dark had I not been so nosey...  Too bad. Another life lesson learned!

So, my mom came to my house yesterday and drug me out of my bed, where I had been for the past 3 days.....or on the couch at least, same difference, because of *insert above paragraph*. And I came home with her and we went and got our nails done and went shopping where I got tons of stuff for my house! I got a new huge plant that is taller than me for my living room, two rugs for my living room, two cool curtain rods for my dining room and kitchen that are this weird, cool design, a few curtains for the house. Hmmm....and what else? I can't remember. Then, she cooked me a homeade meal- fried cubed steak, stewed potatoes, homeade biscuits, homeade gravy--- mmmmmm! it was delish. then i fell asleep at 6 pm and just now woke up. Freaking sweet! :) Moms are the coolest! :) :) :) And we have another shopping date on Saturday. Gotta love mom-daughter days (cause daughter gets all kinds of free stuff!!). Anyway, the lady that does my nails in Greenwood heard all the BS that's going on in my life, and she had some sound Asian advice... be grateful that I know now what I know before kids or marriage- do not be sad because this is something worth celebrating that I do know the truth. Yeah, yeah, so you get the point from her broken English, and she is right.

Man, I really could use a cigarette right about now. I think I will go smoke me one. Hold yer horses. Be right back. -------

----back.  Mmmm good cigarette. It's so nice to have friends to talk to! Yay! I'm going to go home soon, but first homeade biscuits, cheese, and watching the 530 am news. Plus, I have semi-in-stone plans with a friend tonight to look forward to, so things should be fun and get my mind off of depressing thoughts. I swear friends crawl out from under rocks when you are going through trying times. A big thank you to all of them. I heart you all! :) Now, for my breakfast and the news. Later gaters.
 

And one more thing...He says Maroon 5 sucks to listen to. I would have to concur.

Can you see me
Floating above your head
As you lay in bed
Thinking about everything
That you did not do
Cause saying I love you
Has nothing to do with meaning it

And I don't trust you
Cause every time you're here
Your intentions are unclear
I spend every hour waiting for a phone call
That I know will never come
I used to think you were the one
Now I'm sick of thinking anything at all

You ain't ever coming back to me
That's not how things were supposed to be
You take my hand just to give it back
No other lover has ever done that

Do you remember
The way we used to melt
Do you remember how it felt
When I touched you
Oh cause I remember very well

And how long has it been
Since someone you let in
Has given what I gave to you

And at night when you sleep
Do you dream I would be there
Just for a minute or two do you?

You ain't ever coming back to me
That's not how things were supposed to be
You take my hand just to give it back
No other lover has ever done that

Heartache heartache I just have so much
A simple love with a complex touch
There is nothing you can say or do
I called to let you know I'm through with you
~maroon 5

Peace.

Currently Listening Rappa Ternt Sanga By T-Pain see related

"Grandma: Sir, can I trouble you for a warm glass of milk? It helps me go to sleep.
The Nursing Home Orderly: You can trouble me for a warm glass of shut-the-hell-up! Now, you will go to sleep or I will put you to sleep. Check out the name tag. You're in my world now, grandma."

Straight from Happy Gilmore, this is the quote that I want to scream to almost all of my fuckwit patients that come in with a toothache or the like at 3 am! Hahahaha. So freaking hilarious that quote is! And big thanks to my bestest friend, Carly, for making me aware of its existence.

I really don't have much to say because I am tired and I need to go to sleep because I have to get up at 5:30 pm and go to work. I haven't been to sleep yet. I'm kinda wired, to be honest, for no apparent reason. I swear I am bi-polar.....

I've been downloading music all night and burning cd's for my own entertainment cause my s.o. slept the night away- he had class all day and had to work. Aww. Bless him. "Make, make that money baby!"

He's officially decided that he is going to go through nursing school and be a medic in the army...meaning I am following him where ever he is stationed... Kinda scary! We've talked marriage and babies. It's exciting for once to have something somewhat concrete to look forward to... it's all so up in the air, yet concrete. How ironic... Anyway. What I mean is that I know I am going to be with him and it's all just a matter of time before things pan out... He's the greatest!! But enough mushy gushy. *gagging myself*  Speaking of... I think I hear the grizzly coming to life in there. Gotta run!

Oh yeah, check out pics of my Asian-ish dining room HERE. If there wasn't a rumbling grizzly on my bed, I would take pics of my awesome lamps that match my Liz Claiborne bed spread in my bedroom and show you. But those are to come soon minus the boyfriend in the pics, haha! Plus, he just may be too scantily clad for photo-sharing! Tee, hee. In that case, I gotta get my ass in there!

And since I have to work all mother FN weekend, all you bitches have a good one... and in the words of my new favorite rap song by Eminem feat. Nate Dogg Shake That ...

"Get buzzed, get drunk, get crunked, get fucked up."

Ha! Peace nig-ras. :)

I was sitting on my doorstep,
I hung up the phone and it fell out of my hand,
But I knew I had to do it,
And he wouldn't understand,
So hard to see myself without him,
I felt a piece of my heart break,
But when you're standing at a crossroad,
There's a choice you gotta make.

I guess it's gonna have to hurt,
I guess I'm gonna have to cry,
And let go of some things I've loved,
To get to the other side,
I guess it's gonna bring me down,
Like falling when you try to fly,
It's sad, but sometimes moving on with the rest of your life,
Starts with goodbye.

I know there's a blue horizon,
Somewhere up ahead, just waiting for me,
Getting there means leaving things behind,
Sometimes life's so bitter sweet.

I guess it's gonna have to hurt,
I guess I'm gonna have to cry,
The night goes on, and some things that I'll have,
To give to the other side,
I guess it's gonna bring me down,
Like falling when you try to fly,
It's sad, but sometimes moving on with the rest of your life,
Starts with goodbye.

Time, time heals,
The wounds that you feel,
Somehow, right now.

I guess it's gonna have to hurt,
I guess I'm gonna have to cry,
And let go of some things I've loved,
To get to the other side,
I guess it's gonna bring me down,
Like falling when you try to fly,
It's sad, but sometimes moving on with the rest of your life,
Starts with goodbye,
I guess I'm gonna have to cry,
And let go of some things I've loved,
To get to the other side,
Starts with goodbye,
The only way you try to find,
Moving on with the rest of your life,
Starts with goodbye.
~carrie underwood.

yeah, yeah, I know she's an american idol wannabe or whatever, but I love her new CD. Especially since I have been going through some rather troubling times as of late. The most troubling of which being that my grandmother's cancer is back, more than likely. See, you have this lab value called CA125 that's indicicative of cancer growth, and my gransmother's, 6 years post ovarian cancer, hovers around 10-12. That is, until last October, it was 20, and has since doubled. Which, for the most part, SUCKS. She has cancer symptoms again, which I won't get in to, but just take my word for it. All in all, I would rather not blog about it, but to say that I am upset is an understatement. I was told Thursday before going to work, and that, on top of having a hellacious head cold, has gotten me in the worst of spirits. But, here's to 3 more days off from work. So, tomorrow, going to see her and my grandfather possibly and mom and dad, who are trying to keep it together for my grandmother's sake too. It's hard being the daughter and the NURSE on my mom, and that's exactly what I have to look forward to. Sometimes, I think, ignorance concerning medical issues is bliss. We are such fragile creatures.

Time for some more Nyquil and attempted sleep. Nighty.

She was driving last Friday on her way to Cincinnati
On a snow white Christmas Eve
Going home to see her Mama and her Daddy with the baby in the backseat
Fifty miles to go and she was running low on faith and gasoline
It's been a long hard year
She had a lot on her mind and she didn't pay attention
She was going way to fast
Before she knew it she was spinning on a thin black sheet of glass
She saw both their lives flash before her eyes
She didn't even have time to cry
She was sooo scared
She threw her hands up in the air

Jesus take the wheel
Take it from my hands
Cause I can't do this all on my own
I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
To save me from this road I'm on
Jesus take the wheel

It was still getting colder when she made it to the shoulder
And the car came to a stop
She cried when she saw that baby in the backseat sleeping like a rock
And for the first time in a long time
She bowed her head to pray
She said I'm sorry for the way
I've been living my life
I know I've got to change
So from now on tonight

Jesus take the wheel
Take it from my hands
Cause I can't do this on my own
I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
To save me from this road I'm on.

You're going to hear my voice in the morning calling your name
And know my love and my desperation were one and the same
And where our footprints used to be
There'll be nothing but the sea
And the tide and the wind and the open sky
And the unbroken horizon

Baby it's alright
Break this chain of love and madness
It's alright
Take this pain and all this sadness
It's alright
Make this rain into your fortress
It's alright
Take this rain
It's alright
Take this rain
It's alright
Take this rain
You're going to be free

Another day at work done. Now, to survive 3 in a row this weekend. Blech. And we are out of beds in the hospital- sucks!! That means whenever a patient is going to be admitted from the ER, we have to hold them down there and play floor nurse until they get a bed- meaning giving meds around the clock and whatnot just as if they were upstairs in a bed- an ER nurse molded into a floor nurse. I hate it. I was taking care of those 4 pts we were holding last night. Sickly patients too! 1 pneumonia with COPD exacerbation (and strangley close to being septic, I predict...), 1 with respiratory insufficiency with a trach, 1 with respiratory distress, and 1 with chest pain and EKG changes- all unit/monitored floor patients on 02, drips, antibiotics IV around the clock... So, lots of work, mind you, for an ER nurse with no attention span. Ha ha.

Ok. I have got to forget about that place when I leave more often. It consumes me sometimes, even on my days off. I keep thinking "did I do everything right?" "did i do everything that needed to be done, period?" "did I chart everything?" "did I this?" and "did I that?" Crazy things run through my head after working. It's exhausting having lives in your hand... Sure, docs make the call, but we are the doctor's hands after the orders have been given and ultimately, have responsibility for what we are givin/not giving in terms of medication, etc. I mean, we can have certain meds ordered all day long, but it is up to the RN to know that you need not give that if they're blood pressure or heart rate is too low. I can barely keep up sometimes.

Eh well. Time for some t.v. to numb my mind. Later.